12:50 p.m. - 03.23.2004
The Accupuncturist is Actually My Therapist
I had an appointment with my accupunturist this morning and I started crying like a big baby when she asked me about my next doctor appointments. Tomorrow I go for scans of my pelvis and abdomen and then Monday I go to the oncologist and radiation oncologist where I'll get the results. I know that they'll be fine, but I'm still pretty worried about it in the back of my mind. So, when she asked me how I was doing I just started crying. I don't want to talk to my friends about it all so I just unloaded it on her. She knew right away that I've been totally neglecting all my "work" (yoga, prana work, meditating, working out, needling my sinus', etc.). I know part of the reason I got so sick the last few weeks is because I haven't taken care of myself at all. I'm still taking all my vitamins but that's all I've been doing. I'm getting back to it as of now. I just feel so much better physically and mentally when I take care of it all.
Last weekend was packed. I went to a party, visited my parents, hung out over at my friends house that I haven't been able to go to since I was sick, went to brunch, saw a really cool play and saw both Dawn of the Dead and Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind. DOTD was funny and bloody. ESOTSM was amazing. At first it made me think about who I would want to erase from my mind completely in order to forget the pain. I can think of 2 boys I might like to erase. But then it made me think of everything I want to remember about past relationships. The sweet things. And then I decided I don't want to erase anyone. I've come to an okay place with all the ghosts of boys past. There are too many good things to remember about them. I'm going to make a list soon.
The first draft of my play is due tomorrow. Eek! I have to write at least 15 pages tonight. But as for right now I'm off to class. See ya.
