12:32 a.m. - 03.16.2004
I'm better, dudes
Ah. I just got off the phone with B. We had one of our marathon conversations, figuring everything out, talking about every possible angle and I feel so much better. It's not like we solved anything, really, but just being able to tell her everything that happened made me feel so relieved. She totally understands me. We think alike, we have that weird writer thing going on. She totally understands all my issues at school, with teachers, with the rest of the freaks in our grad program.
I've felt the layers coming off of my sadness all day until I was finally able to laugh about the whole boy-cancer situation with B. It's like I feel sort of betrayed by him, but I also don't, I feel like the betrayer. Like I kind of knew all along what was going on but I didn't want to face up to it. There were/are a lot of weird things going on with us and with him. I just wish I could sit down with him and talk it all out, which could happen. But that could also go really south, really quickly because he could think I'm attacking him. So, yea. We'll see what happens.
The point is that I'm feeling a lot better. Thanks, B.
