7:40 p.m. - 02.13.2004
really, it's good for both of us
I read an old Kathy Acker interview a few months ago and it's been in my head since then.
She said, "One thing I do is stick a vibrator up my cunt and start writing -- writing from the point of orgasm and losing control of the language and seeing what that's like." I like that idea. I'm totally looking for ideas on what I need to write about this semester. Classes started this week and I'm freaked out. I have to have an idea for my full-length play by Wednesday without doing any writing exercises or anything. I think something came to me tonight as I was watching an old PBS documentary. Writing a play is so different than what I'm used to, you have to think it out, metaphors, symbols. All that shit reserved for people who are smarter than me (heh). But first I got an image, and then an idea for what it would "really" be about, not the setting not the characers not what happens at the end. But the 'what' the main character has to face. And of course it's death, his own death. I want to keep with my earlier resolution to put some devils in there, too. Not pitchfork and red horns devils, although there might be some room for those kinds, too, but the "imyourfriend" kind of devils.
It's been an odd week. I was soaring high the other night after a nice home-cooked meal and lost in translation with that boy. But I've started to sink since then, especially after tonight's kind-of fight, and the subsequent "I think I'll just stay in tonight" which ends with me spending the night with my dvd player, computer and notebooks. I cried for a while, gave myself a headache. So I scraped myself off off the couch (I was laying face down in the green pillows), ordered some Leona's with that fucking awesome new dessert (fresh straberries all cut up nice with melted ghiaradelli chocolate to dip the strawberries in) and got very, very high. My headache is gone, my belly is full, I'm back on top again and I'm scribbling in my notebook. It's amazing how life can get so good again, so quickly. The self-pity is over and I'm planning my schedule for tomorrow.
(but it's the first thing he's ever done to make me cry. and it's totally irrational, i know, it had nothing to do with me. must remember space is good, 4 days in a row is too much. it's better he go through this weekend without me. good for both of us. and when i see him again i'll be sweet as pie with a bit of the mystery thrown in.)
