4:28 p.m. - 11.18.2003
The Gift of Disease
I have spent the past two days pouring over cancer texts. Sounds like good times, huh? No, but seriously folks it has been great. I am learning so much about alternative therapies and stuff like traditional Chinese medicine and Reiki healing. I have been talking to friends about both the Chinese medicine and Reiki healing and I am going to incorporate them both into my "healing" process. Two of my friends this weekend described to me their success with "alternative" medicine and I'm ready to try it out.
I have been reading up on what big business cancer is in the U.S. The top two industries are weapons and medical and cancer research and "care" are a big part of those numbers. I'm reading a book that has a chapter called, "How Cancer Politics Have Kept You in the Dark" that is very enlightening. I'm not saying I believe every word I've read over the past few days but it's sure got me thinking.
I also read an essay by Kathy Acker called, "The Gift of Disease" that was amazing. Everyone should read it.
I went to the radiation oncologist today for the first time, I really liked him. Well, I liked him as much as I can. He was very direct and open, just like my new oncologist. I feel much better about being in their hands than that fucking bastard who performed my surgery. He was one of those doctor's that thinks their word is law, he had a total god complex and when I asked him questions he freaked out on me. I don't remember if I've written about him here before. Anyway, he was an asshole and he's out of my life thanks to my new doctor and 2nd opinions.
Tomorrow I have to go to the hospital again for a lung CT scan because with my type of cancer there is a chance it could have spread to my lungs. They don't think it did but they want to make sure. Also, I have my radiation 'simulation' tomorrow, so I'll be at the hospital for a good bit.
The fun continues Thursday-Saturday when I'll be at my uncle's wake and funeral. My mom's youngest brother died, a complete shocker, last Thursday. My poor family is not having a good year. I feel so bad for my mom, she has lost 2 brothers and 1 sister in the past year. There used to be 15 of them and now it's down to 9.
But, don't you think my life is all cancer and death these days. I think I'm falling in love! Yea, I mean it, for really.
