3:30 p.m. - 11.04.2003
Pass, please
I feel like I'm living someone else's life. The first thing I think of when I wake up each morning is "50%."
This means, to me and you and everyone else, that there is a 50% chance my body will be infiltrated again.
I sit here and think "Fucking do something!" And then I just keep on sitting here. It's a different kind of depression than I've ever felt before. What can I do about it?
I was out this weekend feeling normal, laughing, just hanging out with my friends like I always used to do (I got to go into the city for a few hours to surprise one of my friends for her birthday). Then it hits me at certain moments that I'm not the same and nothing is really as is used to be. It was so good to be out, but then it was harder than ever to come back here, where sometimes I feel like I'm rotting.
This will pass, it always does.
